My hope is not to make anyone sad.
My hope is maybe by writing I will be able to let some of my pain go. Writing is supposed to be healing, so I thought I would give it a try. In the spirit of missing my furry child, I want to record some of him here.
January 31st, 2012, was one of the worst days of my life…
Twelve years ago, Eric and I got married in May, and four months later we moved to Dallas and decided to get a dog. This was my first dog ( I had a dog that ran away when I was little, but none since). He was not my dog; he was my baby. Eric was working nights at the newspaper, and I was alone in a new place without any family nearby — solution? Get a dog! A protector. A friend. We were going to get an Akita, but that wasn’t meant to be because the plan fell through with the breeder. Then we decided to get a border collie from out in the country of east Texas.
When we showed up to the breeder’s house there was a box of super tiny puppies, and I thought this was the litter where mine would come from — but that ended up being a box of beagle pups. We told the lady we were there for the border collie, and she said, “Ooooh, he’s over here…”. When she put Troy in the box with the beagles, he was a little bigger than them, had tons of energy and fur, and all the while was trying to sit on them to vie for our attention. I carried him all the way home, and he continually looked at me the whole car ride back to the apartment.
Eric loves the Cowboys, and as a joke I said we should name him after one of the players (partly because I knew Eric had a previous dog named Emmitt)… well, Eric’s face lit up. I couldn’t resist, so our dog became Troy. As in Troy Aikman. I have first-hand knowledge of the intelligence this breed beholds. It’s quite astounding. He could shake, sit, roll over, play dead, find specific colored toys, etc. He looooooved to open Christmas presents too!
Eric worked nights at the newspaper, so this guy was my protector and child and friend. He was spunky and fun and smarter than most people. He had my heart in his paw.
Above all. He loved. And he loved deeply. He had what I liked to call “people” eyes. He could truly peer into your heart. Into your very soul. This boy helped me in more ways that I can begin to remotely note.
We can never truly understand or comprehend God’s unconditional love, but dogs come close to giving us a taste, and I believe that they are sent directly from Him to teach us what a slice of His love is like.
He had Cushing’s Disease, and it was attacking his muscles. He was old and was having trouble getting up most of the time. He began to spring back a couple of weeks before he passed.
But I knew. I can’t explain how I knew, but I knew. God told me that he wouldn’t be here much longer. I started to prepare myself, but it was still so awful. I was getting ready to bathe when I heard him yelp. I ran into the living room and he was laying down holding his left paw and leg up. I lifted it, and it was broken. I could feel it. Eric wasn’t home, so I called my vet. In my heart I knew they were closed, but they answered! They sent someone to our house to help us carry him there. (It also just so happened to be their late night, God or what?) At that time Eric arrived. He and Moosie met us as the office. The doctor told us that his bone had shattered (the x-ray looked of his break looked like the same kind of break you would have with a broken toothpick). Plus, there was swelling on his bones. Dr. Taylor said he thought Troy had the beginnings of bone cancer.
My vet never suggests anything and he never tries to sway us in any way, but he said, “I think it’s time for us to let him go.”
The physical pain I felt in my heart was so terrible.
Me, Eric, and Moosie were able to say goodbye and hold him and love him while he flew to Heaven. It was expected, but the circumstances were unexpected. I wasn’t in the living room when he broke his leg, but it seemed as though he was just getting up because he was in the middle of the room.
I actually started this blog the next day, but it’s taken me a while to finish it. I needed to do this. I still have my sad days, but I am much better. I am lucky to have had the help with family, friends, and the best vet. I cannot begin to say how phenomenal our vet and his staff were. They made a HOUSE CALL! He also recommended Platinum Pet Memorial Services to make final arrangements. Everything was handled perfectly. We decided on an urn that looks like a picture frame, this way I don’t have flashbacks to the movie “Meet the Fockers” when Jinxy the cat’s ashes come crashing to the floor!
Troy’s home — physically and spiritually.
I received a lovely card from Dr. Taylor at Highlands-Eldorado Veterinary Hospital, and the urn came with a surprisingly comforting poem. Loss is tough. Period. It’s just now that I can start to smile on the love, time, and memories. I hope the poem brings you comfort if you have lost a pet. Feel free to pass it on for someone who needs it.
God bless our animals because they are his sprinkles of love on the cupcake of life.
I love you Troy.
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When a pet dies – one that’s been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable, fear and worry free.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and the vigor of youth. Those who were abused, hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again just as we want to remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them – someone who had to be left behind. That someone who was kind, gentle and loving. That someone who took the extra step, stayed the extra minute, reached out and touched with love, even once.
The animals all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent, his eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face, your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look into the big, trusting eyes of your special love, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together. . .
I feel even better now. 🙂